I don’t think I am a vain person. In fact, I am quite the opposite (and my ‘internet persona’ is very different to my ‘real-life’ persona, but more on that later). If someone took a hundred pictures of me, I would like maybe 0.56 of them? Anyway, you get the idea.
And I certainly don’t crave attention. A little attention in the right moment is fabulous obviously, but the spotlight is not something I strive for, you know?
But what is it about getting likes on Facebook?
About an hour ago I added a new photo to Facebook. I don’t do this often. And then I started reading one of my favourite blogs. But every 5 minutes or so I would go back to my Facebook profile to see whether anyone had liked my photo.
And with each like, I slowly began to feel more and more….validated. As if receiving the completely and utterly ridiculous can’t do fuck all for you stupid little thumbs up image gave my tiny existence more meaning. That I meant something to some people. That maybe they thought I looked pretty.
What would have happened had I not received any likes? Would I have deemed the photo and the happy moment it was taken in as worthless? Would I have deleted the photo and hoped that no one even saw it (no one’s probably bloody online now anyway, right?)? Probably not, but I would have felt a little less valuable. A little less confident. A little more insecure.
All this is total bullshit. Right? I know I could probably go on and on about this, as these stupid ‘validations’ are by no means limited to Facebook and there are just layers and layers of stuff to get through, and I know I am about to say the obvious, but this is completely and utterly ridiculous. Why am I obliterating my worth? In what dimension should how many Facebook likes have anything to do with who I am and how much I mean to those who know me?
I also know I am certainly not the only person to feel this way, and I am probably not the first person to write about it, but I just had to get that out of my system.
You’re fucking beautiful.